don't forget

it is too easy to be consumed by security. it’s a nice thing you know? nothing truly wrong with it… that is if the security is from God. and that’s definitely not where mine was.

my thoughts are still running around the whole idea of my future plans. each step is so fragile, so it seems. i’m a management major. why? because i like seeing the big picture. because i like to direct and lead. because i know i have what it takes to make a comfortable and efficient working environment. because i communicate well. it’s not really specialized. the more i talk about it, the more i’m just describing simple personality traits. they’re simple aren’t they? not really anything special. so i’m often questioned, “what are you doing with a management degree? you don’t need a management degree to be a manager.” yes i know this. but everything else isn’t appealing. not appealing at all. it doesn’t have a grasp on me nor does it stir any further interest.

i want to manage my own ngo someday. it will be faith-based. it will help someone. they will sense God’s love. so other people’s common advice is to look to a more specialized major. just so i can go into a job and have some real experience. you know, big job to desired job is easier. more credibility. but it will all be worthless if it’s not contributing to what God has already placed on my heart. what’s the point of me going to work for some firm doing xyz if it has absolutely no relation to abc? just so i can feel better about myself? just so i can say that i did xyz? granted, i will have some sort of contributing experience. if that’s the case, then AWESOME. it will all be a part of the plan. but if not, why am i wasting my time, more importantly, God’s time?

the idea is to not just gain some experience through the standards, but to trust in God to provide so that He can connect the dots. because He is and will always be the ultimate provider. you know, i only succeed because of Him and so this shouldn’t be any different. so what i’m saying is to not settle. to not settle for what may be worldly security, but to consistently seek out God’s plans so that He may be glorified and try my best to be obedient. this is just so generally put. but even the simplest things bring so much clarity to me.

in the end, i can say that it was none of my doing; i was only a servant. all honor and glory belongs to the One.

tonight i was talking to samuel. one of the fellas i met at milan bible church. he’s a founder of a faith-based ngo in ethiopia that is aimed at helping those who are suffering with aids. he left that ngo to get his mba because he realized that he needed business principles to successfully manage these organizations that seemed to be growing at an exponential rate. and so i asked, what is it that you need? what are the technicalities? what’s missing? and i just realized my questions were so… specific. as if each ngo had the same exact problem. as if the ngo that i was going to manage in x amount of years will be exactly like his. and it just seemed as if i was trusting so much in myself to do all the work. thank god, samuel reminded me: “well if it’s not what God’s placing on your heart, then don’t do it. you know, God is the ultimate provider. it’s because we were so prayerful that this organization grew the way it did. it’s because God led me to get me this mba that i am doing so.” and i truly just had forgotten all about God’s providence.

peace peace peace, security. it’s so good.

all i want for christmas is a good, clean sensor (or a new lens, but let’s be realistic). goodness gracious, how did this happen?

im trying to figure out what will be different. what has this experience taught me. what have i learned about myself, etc etc. i think change is inevitable. doesn’t mean i like it. or can’t not like it.

this morning i almost missed my flight from barcelona to milan. thankfully, i made it. but i have never ran through an airport, through checkin and security, soooo quickly.

prior to that little mishap, i had woken up a bit earlier than scheduled to see the sunrise. it’s so refreshing. a new day. fresh. erased. flawless. peaceful and serene. i sat in awe and marveled at this masterpiece. the blues, pinks, grays, purples, and these warm colors consumed me so easily. i wish i had the energy to start my day like this everyday.

¹O LORD, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth,
Who have displayed Your splendor above the heavens!
²From the mouth of infants and nursing babes You have established strength
Because of Your adversaries,
To make the enemy and the revengeful cease.
³When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained;
⁴What is man that You take thought of him,
And the son of man that You care for him?
⁵Yet You have made him a little lower than God,
And You crown him with glory and majesty!
⁶You make him to rule over the works of Your hands;
You have put all things under his feet,
⁷All sheep and oxen,
And also the beasts of the field,
⁸The birds of the heavens and the fish of the sea,
Whatever passes through the paths of the seas.
⁹O LORD, our Lord,
How majestic is Your name in all the earth!

Psalm 8

happy thanksgiving america

Christopher Columbus’s tomb in Seville’s Cathedral, Spain.

Gotta admit, it’s just not the same without the family - xoxo, Sarah

more later

im sneaky :]

so elena’s birthday was this past weekend while we were in rome and vanessa catharina and i wanted to do something special for her when we came back. so when elena got back from a long day of group project meetings, we had asdfasdf waiting for her. (the reason it’s called “adsfdsaf” is because Elena has yet to name it) anyway, she took delight in the yummy asdfasdf that vanessa and i had baked. at first we weren’t even sure if she was coming home that night. so to see if she was coming home, i called her and asked her if she was planning on stopping by the super market - she usually does when she comes back home from the weekends. and she responded with good news and said she would be home in an hour. we also made some cheesecake for elena. she’s never had it before, and we’ve been itching to make it, but cream cheese is just so ridiculously expensive. but tonight was the night. and because elena loves grapes so much, we decided to throw a few of them on there too. i know, you never see grapes on a cheesecake, but this was SPECIAL! well after eating our asdfasdf, vanessa and i tried to think of a way to surprise her with the cake. sooo i went to the restroom and took elena with me and asked some silly question about the window in there. in the mean time, vanessa came to the kitchen with catharina, turned off the lights, lit some lighters (because we don’t have candles) and when elena came back… ta daaaa, we sang happy birthday and elena seemed like she really enjoyed it.

we love baking and we love her. she’s one of the sweetest girls i know and will definitely be missed. happy birthday elena

all paths lead to rome

wow. up until this point, i have been saying, “VENICE, there is no city like it. no city could ever replicate what Venice has. As much as they try to throw in some bridges and canals, Venice is truly something else.” Now I have myself saying the same thing for Rome.

Rome. This is where civilization began.

I mean, I’m not too fond of what they did… killing hundreds of thousands of people and animals for entertainment just doesn’t sound so pleasing. But I can’t believe I was there. The history of Rome is just too overwhelming and it was extremely difficult to grasp what went on there at its peak. First of all, the buildings there are so ancient and beautiful. Then I can’t imagine someone sculpting such a massive structure - the detail of columns and arches was so breath-taking. Whenever I take photographs, I like to get a picture that encompasses everything. I like to capture the big picture. But in Rome, I have never paid attention to so much detail and I think doing that was just exhausting. BUT thrilling at the same time!

On our first day, we walked through Piazza Repubblica, passing the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, to get to the Colosseum. Took a tour of the Colosseum and marveled at what’s left of its creation and tried to imagine what went on here. Then left for the Pantheon. At the top of the Pantheon is a little window and a bird had flown in and couldn’t find its way out. It was really sad to see this seagull circling and circling to find an escape. Couldn’t even find rest to stop and was too fearful to come down. I hate feeling that way. Anyway, Pantheon. Amazing. Next trip. Trevi Fountain - MOST BEAUTIFUL AT NIGHT. Exhausted, returned to our awesome hostel (though it did lack good breakfast), but I slept pretty comfortably. Definitely better than Amsterdam, that’s for sure.

Next day, started a little late from being so tired from the previous day. Woke up and caught the Metro to get to the Vatican City. Lines weren’t nearly as awful as we had imagined for the Vatican Museum. I don’t even know what to say about the museum. Sistine Chapel. Creation of Adam. Liberation of St. Peter. Raphael. Michelangelo. The Hall of Maps. Goodness. Gracious. The masterpieces there were so overwhelming. It was nice to see the Creation of Adam. God has a girly robe on. And has really obvious hips. It was really packed in there. For brief moments we would stick close to some tour and get whatever detail we could. Then after 3 hours at the Vatican Museum, we went to St. Peter’s Basilica. This place is so huge. HUGE. It looks stupid in my photographs because it just doesn’t even look real. Anyway, here we saw the Pieta where Mary is holding Jesus’s body. Eerie. Towards the end, I wanted a photo and I made the mistake of flailing my arms. A man immediately came up to me and said “NO PHOTO - THIS IS A CHURCH. NOT HOLLYWOOD.” Then I tried to take a regular photo of Vanessa and the guy came up to me again and said “NO PHOTO, please.” and lifted his hand towards the door. But he can’t kick me out. So I just put my lens cap up, looked at every other tourist that was taking photos in the church, and then just took in my last glimpse of St.Peter’s Basilica. Grace and I said that the ultimate disrespect would probably be taking a jumping picture in there. HAHA that would be pretty awesome. Though we would have to run. Really fast. But we didn’t do it. That’s awful. After St. Peter’s, we walked over to St. Angelo’s Castle, what use to serve as a fortress for the Pope. But didn’t feel it was worth seeing since we were all museum’d out. So we just headed back to see where the Roman baths were, but we couldn’t find that either. So we grabbed some cheap McDonalds and grabbed some gelato. I would sacrifice a good meal so I could finish with good gelato. It’s a pretty fair trade-off. This night I bought my Vespa mug. We stayed in a souvenir shop contemplating what gifts we want. I bought it. After trying to persuade Grace that she should get one, I persuaded myself. So Grace and I now have matching Vespa mugs and are planning to have a tea party. BYOM (BRING YOUR OWN MUG).

The next morning started off really early because word on the street was that the Pope was making an appearance at the Vatican out of his apartment window. So we went, and the crowd just said it all. The Pope was definitely making a show today. Anyway, he came out and spoke some and I could only make out a few words he was saying in Italian. But then he spoke in English and gave his blessings. After seeing the Pope, we went to go check out the Spanish Steps - that was okay. I could have done without seeing it. And then in our last hour and a half in Rome, we decided to head to the Roman Forum. I’m glad I didn’t miss this. Here we saw Caesar’s temple and the mound where his body was burned, Temple of Saturn, and the Forum - where Rome was born according to legend. It’s to the grounds now, but man, I tried to imagine what it was like being there at the time. Nuts. Then we headed out. While I was taking in my last view of the beautiful Colosseum, Vanessa was flustered trying to find 2 cents to make a Colosseum coin souvenir. You know, the ones you put in a machine and turn the handle to make a print. I don’t know which of us is better off. She has the Colosseum on a coin to see forever and whenever. And I… a poor memory. Crap.

My last view of the Colosseum. Goodbye Roma, you were lovely.

its so magical

tonight I saw the Beauty and the Beast musical in milan. I think I enjoyed it more because it was entirely in italian. although I was only able to make out 30% of what they were saying, I was able to place all my attention to the magic of the show. the costumes the choreography, it was AMAZING. using my imagination is much for fun and romantic. anyway, it was a great show and we even got to move up in our seats closer to the stage. everyone was amazing especially belle, her voice was absolutely beautiful. ah! im so glad I went I can’t believe I almost passed this opportunity.

kheang arrived today too! Im really excited that he’s visiting. its nice to have family around. really nice :)

finiiitooooo

Hooray! I made it to my last test today. It wasn’t too shabby but I will definitely miss that professor. Apparently, the system here has the professor switch in the middle of the semester after Fall Break? I don’t know why they do this.

Anyway, this past weekend was spent in Amsterdam and Brussels. Aside from Red Light District, Amsterdam is a wonderful city. Upon arrival, Velma and I were flying frm Milan and we met Grace at the airport. We decided to go see the Anne Frank House first because it was pretty nearby and it was going to close soon. You could definitely tell it had been renovated. But even with its modern touch, the house still felt so crazy surreal. We were given access to walk through the famous bookshelf and see where the Franks and Van Pels hid. Anne’s room was still well decorated with the pictures of Shirley Temple as well as other famous stars at that time. And Otto Frank loved photographing his family, therefore there were photos of Anne and the family everywhere. It was amazing. One notable thing Otto Frank said in one of the documentaries was that when he read Anne’s diary for the first time, he said he never experienced Anne this way. Like it was a completely different person. And the conclusion he came to was that as parents, there is a possibility that you don’t know your own child. Very true.

Afterwards, we left to find our hostel. I felt like we spent hours on end trying to find Hostel Sphinx. Apparently, I was suppose to have the directions. That’s my fault. My photographic memory kicked in, which happens very very rarely, and I was able to get us in the direction of where it is. We had booked a night in an eight bed mixed dorm. It smelled so bad when we walked in - there was trash and open bottles everywhere. It seemed as if the place had potential to be clean, but the people who were currently occupying it had left it a mess. So we dropped off our things and were in search of dinner.

After walking in dark alleyways and asking numerously for directions, we ended up at a small Thai Restaurant. I had a delicious hot plate of Pad Thai. I feel as if when I decide to go for such dishes, it’s just comfort food. But props to Amsterdam for having such a good selection of ethnic foods.

____

I left this blog window open for several days. Now I can’t remember what happened in Amsterdam. I just remember wishing I had enough energy to really appreciate the Van Gogh Museum. His collection was amazing and it was interesting to see his life through his letters and his works. He’s a pretty dark The Heineken Brewery was an interesting trip as well, definitely more interactive than I had imagined. I will never eat the hops again. Apparently, hops are what gives beer the bitter taste. This pellet that I took a little nibble out of looked like rat poison. It was awful. And I will forever be bitter about this event. About the bitter hops. haha Okay. And thennn

Oh and how could I forget Vondel Park. That place was beautiful. I’m glad Velma and Grace don’t mind sitting in a nice park somewhere and just do some people watching. It’s like mandatory for our trips. Gives us a break. To top it off, there was this man playing his guitar “Ba-dada-dadada”, he sang.

That was Amsterdam. Now for Brussels, Belgium. All I remember is that I got horribly sick and called it a night at 8pm. I felt so bad to be such a kill joy but I was exhausted and sick to what felt like drunkenness. I really am grateful for the bunch I was traveling with though for taking care of me. I don’t know if I could depend on anyone else like that. The chocolate was good. Because I was sick, I wasn’t able to taste the Belgium waffles. But the next day, my senses started to kick in and I was able to taste the sweet richness of the Belgium waffle. And altogether we bought over 100 euros worth of Belgium chocolates. I only contributed 16 euros, but still. WOW.

Then that night we slept in an airport. My butt was a little cold and I definitely was in the negatives as far as comfort goes… it wasn’t too bad. But I don’t think I could do it again. I feel for hobos. It must suck.

Then I came back home to find all my flatmates sick. Except Elena, she never gets sick. What a lucky girl.